Dear CTA conductor-person
PLEASE do not take those serpentine curves so fucking fast! This train is packed, it’s Friday, and I’m face-to-face with a mouth-breather. This isn’t the way I pictured dying. So, please, let’s take it easy, shall we? Your drugs will still be there when you get to the end of the line. Your ever-appreciative patron, -Zach
I just heard Florence and the Machine in a commercial for Eat, Pray, Love. Not even the beautiful sound of Florence Welch’s voice can make that movie appealing.
Zach: "So, Diana, do you own any Playtex bras?"
Diana: "Ummm... do I look like a fat chick?"
*Places bra back on rack*
Seeing as how Halloween candy is already on the shelves, I think it’s time to start watching Hocus Pocus at least thrice a week.